This story is not your "usual" story, for this is one about a man who chose the wrong path to follow -- and his return.

I have always been a member of the LDS Church. However, even having a slight testimony of the gospel, I let go of the "iron rod" and jumped head-first into what Nephi called "an awful gulf which separated the wicked from the tree of life and also the Saints from God" (1 Nephi 15:28). My downfall began with choosing to ignore the Word of Wisdom caution against the partaking of "wine or strong drink" (D&C 89:5).

Once I took that first drink, I was locked in its grasp, for I thought that I finally found the happiness and acceptance that I wanted so badly. Talk about looking for love in all the wrong places! While I only drank to intoxication in high school, it was enough.



Instead of doing what most of my friends my age did by serving a mission, I enlisted in the United States Marine Corps. Now I must add that military service is a wonderful opportunity IF one is strong in faith and conviction, which I was not. I do not regret my service in any shape or form. I served proudly and honorably in peace and war (Operation Desert Storm). Because of my lack of faith and conviction in the gospel, I quickly became "of the world."

I married and was honorably discharged from the Marines at my contract's end. The years that followed included divorce, becoming a single father of two, going from job to job, state to state, becoming completely inactive in the church and graduating to a full-blown alcoholic. I eventually married again and am still married to her (she is a convert and active in church and an inspiration to me).

I traveled further down the dark path and spent a lot of time bouncing in and out of county jail and ending up incarcerated by the Arizona Department of Corrections for a term of 2¼ years. My two children were and still are in foster care, my wife and I are still married, we are being counseled by a loving bishop and we have hopes of being sealed in the temple one day. I still have to face a disciplinary council, but I am willing to do whatever my Heavenly Father requires of me -- it is a small price to pay considering the spiritual rewards. For I know that neither I nor my family has a chance without the guidance and love of a just and merciful God.

During my incarceration I started attending a 12-step recovery meeting. One of the steps asked me to completely give myself and my life over to a "higher power." I did -- and you guessed it, it brought me right back to my Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and his restored gospel on this earth. For the first time, I have read the Book of Mormon from beginning to end. We are studying Doctrine and Covenants in our Thursday night "services." My testimony of the gospel and especially of the Atonement is stronger than ever. The irony of this is that the love, happiness and acceptance that I spent all the time looking for were always there in the church and the gospel, but I had turned my back on it. In retrospect, I can see all the times that my Heavenly Father "carried" me, even when I didn't acknowledge him.

I write this in hopes that if there is anyone out there struggling, he or she may learn from my experience. I carry the message of hope and that it's never too late. I know what it's like to feel the despair and loneliness of being separated from my Heavenly Father and to feel the emptiness without the Holy Ghost. I know what it's like to wake up in the morning and wish I hadn't. I know what it's like to wish for death to end the pain.

Now, due to the faithfulness, love, compassion, testimonies and patience of Brothers Powers and Lindsay, who took the time to bring the message of hope to prisoners every Thursday night, I have returned to the fold. For the first time in more than 20 years, I feel love, happiness, joy and peace. How grateful I am for people like Brothers Powers and Lindsay; for my parents who never gave up on me and being examples of the gospel; for my loving wife for being patient, never giving up on me, never stopped loving me, and being an example to me; and for my children, who have forgiven me and never gave up on me as well. Most importantly, I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father and his son, Jesus Christ. If it wasn't for Christ's sacrifice and the Atonement, I truly would be lost forever.

Even in a place as "dark" as prison, Christ's light reached me and now guides me, through a caring bishop, to eventually return to him. Christ's love is eternal and from it springs forth hope for all who are lost in darkness as I once was.

Matthew B. Hutchinson is a member of the Thunderbird Ward in Phoenix.