SARATOGA SPRINGS, Utah -- Every bad relationship along the dating route gets one ready for the real relationship, said a speaker at a recent multistake conference for Mormon young single adults.

J. Tekulve Martial-Vann, a full-time family therapist and director of family life education at Martial-Vann Consulting and Counseling Services in Orem, discussed how to avoid drowning in the YSA dating pool by focusing on healthy relationships with God, oneself, family members and the gospel.

Martial-Vann spent much of his time emphasizing the humor to be found along the way.



"I was drowning. I didn't have much of a dating pool," Martial-Vann said. "Seriously, imagine, you're black. You're from Georgia. You're at BYU!"

When Martial-Vann met his future wife, it was at a Sheri Dew fireside and things happened fast, "very fast," he said.

Martial-Vann said successful dating can be hindered by not knowing who one really is.

He urged those in the audience not to settle, but to believe that in God all things are possible, "even not drowning in an ever-shrinking YSA dating pool."

"Forever is a long time to wake up next to a compromise," he said. "Don't, don't, don't. My number one piece of advice is, don't bring home a project."

Martial-Vann did caution against setting standards at a level that no one can meet.

"Sometimes we carry an air of spiritual arrogance," he said. "And sometimes we don't separate our spiritual and dating relationship. Then if it doesn't work out, we blame the Lord."

Martial-Vann said the key is to enjoy the dating, enjoy now and remember that being a young single adult is not all about getting married.

He said young single women might try showing young single men they can cook, not just bake cookies.

"I understand dating in the Mormon culture should be an Olympic event," he said, suggesting it takes practice, persistent effort and endurance.

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