Attending a marriage prep Sunday School class in a singles ward is a lot like attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting for the first time: everyone looks a little uncomfortable, nobody will acknowledge they have a "problem" and you feel like you constantly need to explain yourself.

"I'm just here to support my roommate," you say.  "I usually go to gospel doctrine."

This is silly, of course. There's no reason to be ashamed of marriage, and, as I'll discuss in this article, I think our generation would do well to erase the stigma many of us have attached to the sacred institution.  

That said, I only went to marriage prep so I could write an article about it.  

My thinking was that if any singles ward experience could typify life as a young single adult in the church, it would be the marriage prep class. The plan was to attend the class for a month, take copious notes, and come away with a column full of funny Mormon stereotypes and quirky anecdotes.

What I observed, instead, was that my fellow classmates seemed oddly antagonistic toward all the talk of marriage, temples and families.  



For example, one Sunday, the teacher announced, "We're going to start with the hymn, 'I Love to See the Temple.' "

The girl sitting in front of me let an audible snicker escape her mouth, and I followed.  

But why were we laughing?  

As I was writing this in the Wilkinson Center at BYU, a girl who served in my mission came up to say hello, and I mentioned the subject of the article I was writing.  

"Oh my gosh," she said, as a look of disdain twisted her features. "I would NEVER go to a marriage prep class."

"But why not?" I asked.  

"Because…" she thought for a second. "Well, because then people would think I wanted to get MARRIED!"

And in a singles ward, that's a fate worse than death.  

She went on to explain that if the guys in the ward think she is on a husband-hunt, they will never ask her out. Because, of course, all men are afraid of commitment.  

However, a lot of the guys I talked to gave essentially the same answer as she did. Generally, we will do everything within our power to avoid being pegged as "creepy" returned missionaries who will marry the first thing we see with a skirt and a temple recommend. And if that means rolling our eyes when we hear about an 18-year-old bride-to-be or mocking the temple-focused Primary songs, then so be it.

Of course, there are other reasons for being repelled by marriage: fear of responsibility, an affinity for the single life, a desire to prove our independence, etc.

But I think a lot of us are just reacting cynically because we are tired of hearing so much courtship-related counsel coming from the pulpit.

In singles wards, those handy "seminary answers" you use when a teacher asks you a question and you haven't been paying attention ("pray, read your scriptures, go to church…") have been replaced by a different set of standby responses. These little nuggets of wisdom will answer virtually every question posed by a singles ward teacher: "Date, don't hang out"; "list the qualities you want in a spouse"; "don't give your kisses away like pretzels."

We can become so accustomed to spewing these clichés at church, that they eventually lose their meaning. Take this last Sunday for example:

After three back-to-back sacrament meeting talks on chastity and a vigorously taught marriage prep class, one of the guys in the class had apparently put himself on singles ward auto-control by the time he reached third hour. So, when the instructor asked the elders quorum what we could do to get more out of church, and people volunteered answers like, "get to bed on time Saturday night" and " take notes on the talks," this fellow raised his hand and said, "I think you need to be the kind of person you want to marry."

When his counsel was met with blank stares and confused looks, he seemed to snap out of the marriage-prep daze, and asked, "Wait, what was the question?"

But, really, all the reasons I've listed above are simply excuses and fronts. If I learned anything in this last month of marriage prep, it's that most of us yearn for the companionship of a spouse and the happiness that comes from raising a family. So let's stop pretending "marriage" is a bad word and start acting like adults.

I'll start:

Hi, my name is McKay, and I am single and looking for a wife.