People sometimes ask where I get my column ideas.

This one comes from August Miller, one of our photographers. Like many today, August wonders when "civility" in society became "hostility." He pointed me to a site where the Web posts were so harsh they bordered on cruelty.

Today, on the radio, on the Internet, in letters, people insist on shouting at each other. Blood boils. Collars burn. Anger abounds.

I agree with August. Our level of discourse is a disgrace.

But I've also noticed something else at work.



Over the years when fuming phone calls would come in, an editor here would take pride in "turning the caller around." He always tried to talk them down. And he had us do it, too.

And here's the thing. It wasn't that hard to do.

When I'd call someone back who left a sizzling message on my machine, they were almost always pleased to hear from me. They were usually cordial, polite, even apologetic. They were happy to discuss the matter in measured, even tones.

In short, they were like those frogs that puff up their jowls to intimidate predators, or the gentle Shoshone "dog soldiers" who dressed up in terrifying outfits.

It makes me think of the Italians I saw in Naples. They'd spit and sputter and wave about. I half expected knives to come out. But, of course, they never did. And I learned quickly that the people involved were just frustrated. They were letting off steam. They yelled because they wanted to be heard.

And I think that's what's happening here.

People feel vulnerable, so they strap on their "dog soldier" costumes. They're loud, many times, not because they're rabid, but because they simply want to be heard above all the competing voices out there -- talk radio, Twitter, television, e-mail, voice-mail, the blogs and, yes, newspapers.

Conversation in America today is a cacophony. And if you don't write in all-capital letters or raise your voice, you may not be heard.

So, what's the solution to August's dilemma?

First, I think, we need to realize that the angry voices are not so much from people who are a threat but from people who feel threatened.

We should try to speak to their better nature. My experience is they'll respond. A soft answer turns away wrath and all that.

And second, instead of taking pride in getting heard, let's take pride in listening best.

Just as a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, lowering the decibel level begins with one soft voice.

We should make it ours.

Many people whom our editor "turned around" are today among our most valued readers and contributors.

We won the battle by lowering our weapons.

It takes some faith to do that, of course.

But take my word. I've seen it work.