Most of my life I have taught children to swim. One thing I have noticed is that when children learn to play in the water, before learning to swim properly, they often use devices or aids that will hold them vertically. Life jackets, water wings, inner tubes, water noodles or standing on the bottom make nonswimmers feel brave. These props give them all kinds of mobility in the water, and a rush of freedom, but this mobility only provides the illusion of swimming. Reality hits when they fall in without any of these aids, and they naturally attempt to keep their heads up, to stay vertical like they are accustomed to.

Without these aids and in a vertical position, the sensation is that the water is now pulling them down and they begin to panic; the water now becomes a threat, their adversary. Initially these devices seem helpful, but in the long run, they are usually self-defeating.

To a swimmer, the water is a friend that wants to buoy us to the surface. As we try diving to the bottom of a pool or lake, we soon see how hard it is to go down, as we go against the buoyancy of the water. Just ask our underwater photographer who wears several weights around his waist so he does not float up while he is filming; the water insists on lifting him to the surface.

My job is to change the perception for these children, and help them see that the water is their friend, not their adversary. Once their perception has changed, they begin to experience the freedom and joy of swimming independently. The water is still the same water as before, but their perception has changed. They now own the water, the water doesn't own them

As with learning to swim, we often approach the alternate route, or the unexpected life, with perceptions that are limiting and can be self-destructive. We are accustomed to and have confidence in certain aids such as people, plans, luxuries, relationships and hope-filled dreams; without them, we think we are going to drown and we worry we can't survive.

The illusion is that the trials and challenges we are now facing are going to take us down. Panic often sets in, and we literally find ourselves gasping for air. However the reality is that the challenges we face have the ability to buoy us up. I have seen it in my own life as well as in the lives of others. As we adapt and change the position of our thoughts, expectations and attitudes, there is a new-found strength, freedom, independence, wisdom and perspective that we may not have received otherwise.

I have known many who were divorced or widowed. At the onset, they thought they could never survive, they felt as if they were vertical in the water, like they were sinking. At first it was overwhelming to think of being a single parent, of having to do everything by themselves. They saw nothing but lonely days and sleepless nights. They lost many of the aids that were previously keeping them afloat.

However, as time went on, through a change of perspective, unforeseen opportunities, increased faith and abilities, they began to surface; in fact they even began to swim! Their new life became their friend, not their enemy.

I have known others who have suffered physical disabilities. They too thought they would drown. They soon learned that they didn't need those "aids" to survive, be happy and swim.

I have learned through personal experience that we can make the unexpected our friend; it doesn't have to be our enemy. Perhaps we are now learning to be self-reliant, or feel totally dependent; maybe we are anxiously looking for purpose and meaning in our lives to fill a void, or we are overwhelmed with purpose and want just a few moments to ourselves. Regardless the reason, we are now living the unexpected life and we can be better and stronger for it. With our new perception, the entire experience is changed and a calmness, confidence and reassurance take over. As with the water, we actually start to enjoy our lives; we gain greater mobility than we ever imagined; we own our life, our life doesn't own us.

Whether we are divorced, without a spouse, without children or with specific challenges that we never anticipated, we can find great joy and mobility in our lives. It's all in our perception as to whether we sink or swim! Now go get your suit on and start swimming!