PROVO, Utah -- DNA and circumstances dictate how happy we are to a certain extent.

But there's enough wiggle room left in the factors we can control that most people can be much happier than they are.

Dean Barley, a clinical psychologist and associate director of Clinical Services at Brigham Young University's Comprehensive Clinic, told audiences at the Conference on Family Life March 27 that people need to choose to be happy.

Why be happy?

Barley said happiness is the gas that helps humans win the race, to be more creative and more successful. "It comes first before all the rest," he said, before a rise in circumstances, health and wealth.

Why doesn't it work to simply get a new car, a bigger home or a better job?

Barley said people get used to new possessions and more money and settle back into their previous level of life satisfaction. Even marriage only provides a satisfaction boost for about two years.

Fundamentally, people need to learn to think optimistically and realistically about the circumstances and events in their lives.

Pessimists tend to think in permanent terms (It'll never get better) and personalize events (It's my fault). They believe the worst and are more likely to give up or become depressed (eight times more, according to statistics).

Optimists believe circumstances are temporary and not something they caused to happen. They have better "luck" in life and respond better to traumatic events.
To increase optimism Barley suggested learning to problem solve rather than worry and ruminate.

He listed using the ABCDE method which includes facing Adversity, using core Beliefs, understanding Consequences, using Disputation and enjoying the Energizing.

Part of that team includes the "Duck" who determines if current thinking is useful, labeling the thinking (stinkin' thinkin, i.e.), writing the problem down to get it outside the brain, scheduling time to return to the problem and doing something else that distracts from the problem for a while.

Later he suggested calling in "Sherlock Hamster" to determine what evidence there is that there is a problem, are the facts correct, what is the explanation for the problem and what other factors are contributing to the problem.

"D-Cat" de-catrastrophies the problem by deciding what is the worst and/or the best thing that can happen and then preparing for that situation.

"Watch for pervasive thinking patterns," he said. "Pessismistic thinking is bad, toxic."
Energizer Ermine celebrates solving the problem or at least, correcting wrong thinking.

Barley said forgiving others leads to greater happiness as does savoring the joys of everyday life. He pointed to Doctrine and Covenants passages that clearly indicate that God wanted man to be happy in this life.

He said people should add variety in their lives and avoid creating boredom and tedium. Hobbies help, he said, as does nurturing relationships and caring for our physical bodies.

Practicing gratitude is one way to significantly and easily increase happiness. He suggested thinking of someone to whom you have never fully expressed gratitude.

"Write it down. Share it face-to-face. Bring them a laminated copy as a gift. You'll be happy for a month later," he said.

Barley included practicing random acts of kindness and committing to goals as ways to increase happiness but he cautioned against simply adding to an already crowded "to do" list.

"Find your signature strengths (by going to www.authentichappiness.com) and do this as much as possible," he said.

He also recommended three books: "Authentic Happines" by Martin Seligman; "The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want" by Sonya Lyubormirksy; and "Happiness, Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth" by Ed Diener.

E-MAIL: haddoc@desnews.com