'Innocence' gives hope to victims of abuse

"Sacred Innocence: There Is Life After Abuse," Wendy M. Johnson, Living Legacy Publishing Inc.

Wendy M. Johnson's story gets you right in the gut — not once, not twice, but time after painful time.

To say Johnson had a lousy childhood and teen years would be an understatement. Controlling parents. Raging father. Indifferent, unloving mother. Distant sister. Betrayals. Physical abuse. Bingeing on food, then purging.

Johnson's rebellion included heavy drinking, drugs and premarital sex.

Then, in her early 20s, she met a Mormon, and her life changed. Missionaries from the singles ward taught her, and the doctrines she heard spoke to her soul. Repentance followed, then her baptism in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at age 23.

Johnson met Joey, a young man in her ward, and they began dating, then got married.

After the wedding, she was working for her father and began experiencing anxiety attacks during the night, which her doctor diagnosed as stress-related. Johnson and her husband decided to attend a class on family dynamics — taught by the bishop. Belittling, yelling, pushing, hitting and kicking were described as abuse, and that opened a floodgate of unpleasant memories of physical abuse she had suffered in her childhood home.

Soon, something else — something unspeakably horrible — started to emerge. She had been sexually abused by her father, although she had blocked out those memories.

Thus began a years-long period of anger, hate, depression, pain, confrontations with her parents, therapy, setbacks and more therapy. With her husband's help and her faith in God, the shadows began to lift.

Johnson discovered, however, that the healing she so desperately wanted could not happen until she was willing and able to forgive her parents and herself. She writes, "Of course my parents' behavior was an outrage, but holding on to the hate was destroying me. My hate was not holding them accountable, it was hurting me — It was time to make a conscious decision to let go."

Through her desire to forgive and reliance on gospel principles, Johnson was able to reach a point where she felt strong and could recognize the miracle of Christ's Atonement in her life.

If you're looking for a pleasant read, you won't find it in this book. But anyone — female or male — who has been abused can gain strength and hope from Johnson's story.

If you're looking for a heartfelt account of traveling a very tough road — with an ultimately positive outcome — "Sacred Innocence" is that book.

E-mail: rwalsh@desnews.com