Book: 'For They Shall Be Comforted'

Camille Call Whiting wanted grieving mothers to know they were not alone in their heartache, so she decided to write a book relating her experiences of losing a son and a daughter.

In "For They Shall Be Comforted" (2009 Covenant Communications), the Mormon author writes candidly about the personal grief she experienced when her son Ammon died two days after he was born and her daughter Kija was stillborn.

Whiting gives a voice to grieving women who sometimes feel they can't relate to the happy parents they see around them. She puts her experiences in the context of psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' famous "Five Stages of Grief," outlining the ways in which she felt denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

As someone who strove to be righteous and Christ-like, Whiting said the anger stage that came with the loss of her first child brought feelings of immense guilt. She found herself resenting pregnant women and mothers of healthy babies, including family members. Several years later, when she lost her second child, she was still angry, but it was directed at God.

Whiting offers an interesting perspective on how children are affected by the loss of an unborn sibling. When she was 9 years old, her mother gave birth to a stillborn son. Whiting writes that it was incredibly important for her to see her parents cry, because that meant it was OK for her to cry. She suggests that women allow themselves to get emotional, even when others are present. "Holding it in will exhaust you," she writes.

When Whiting lost her infant brother, she internalized it and feared it was somehow her fault for wanting a sister. Similarly, when she lost Kija, she feared that it was because of something she had done — perhaps exercising too much — or that she was somehow unworthy of any more children.

Toward the end of the book, Whiting gives advice to friends, families and ward members who want to help grieving mothers. She recommends flowers, notes and letters, but also stresses the importance of giving a mother her space. Whiting writes that she usually just wanted to be left alone to grieve, and appreciated all the caring people who respected that.

"For They Shall Be Comforted" deals with tragic events and is at times difficult to read. The reader comes to sympathize with the author, who captures in written form the harrowing journey she twice undertook. But the book ends on a note of resolution and hope, as Whiting outlines the ways in which she came to a place of acceptance and was eventually able to think of the children she lost with fondness instead of sorrow.

E-mail: mfarmer@desnews.com