Seven courtship concepts from Genesis 24

PROVO, Utah — When Keith Wilson asks his students what is the most important decision people make after committing to Christ, they invariably answer, "Getting married."

Wilson, a Brigham Young University professor of ancient scripture, said many feel frustrated and want to know if the Lord is guiding their process of finding an eternal companion. During his presentation Saturday, Oct. 31, at the 38th annual Sidney B. Sperry Symposium at BYU, Wilson shared seven courtship principles that he found in Genesis 24.

Genesis 24 tells how Abraham sent his most-trusted servant on a journey to find a wife for his son Isaac. The servant succeeds in finding Rebekah and bringing her back to marry Isaac.

"I think (this chapter) is overlooked often simply because it is in the Old Testament and it is in an Old Testament context of arranged marriage and things of that nature," Wilson said.

He said it is an ancient handbook for marrying in the Lord, and unlike any other passage of scripture on the subject in its applicability and detail. It answers questions many have about getting married.

1. What if I don't have good Mormons to date where I live?

The first thing the story makes clear, Wilson said, is that marrying within the covenant is very important. Abraham sends his servant on an 850-mile journey — the equivalent of leaving Provo to go to Omaha or Seattle to find a wife.

"Even when it doesn't seem like there are great LDS singles around, I believe the scriptures in Genesis 24 says, 'Make sure you go the 850 miles.' Don't sell yourself short," Wilson said.

__IMAGE1__2. How do I know if he or she is the right one?

The servant in Genesis 24 makes his journey and arrives in Nahor at a well. He then prays, asking the Lord to identify the sought-after-wife through a test of sorts. He will ask a woman to give him some water, and then if the woman offers to water his camels, she will be the one. Rebekah comes and everything goes as prayed.

Wilson said this was most likely an inspired prayer. The servant prayed as the Lord wanted him to pray.

We need something beyond the "checklist prayer," Wilson said. He quoted President J. Reuben Clark, who said, "One of the things we should most often pray for, is to know what we should most often pray for."

"Let prayer guide you in your marriage choice and marriage decisions," Wilson said.

3. What part should attractiveness play?

When the servant first sees Rebekah, he notices her beauty. But the physical beauty is linked to her spiritual beauty, according to Wilson. President Harold B. Lee said, "Persons who are well-groomed and modestly dressed invite the Spirit."

It is an external appearance that is amplified by an internal appearance, according to Wilson.

4. How much physical intimacy is appropriate in dating?

When Rebekah is first described, beauty is linked with her being "a virgin, neither had any man known her" (Genesis 24:16).

Wilson said this redundant phrase emphasizes the importance of chastity.

5. How can I attract the right kind of spouse?

The servant approaches Rebekah and asks for water. She gives him water and then waters his 10 camels. The scriptures say she "hasted." She ran to get the water for the camels — carrying a heavy clay pot that could hold three to five gallons of water.

This was an act of service, an act of charity. Wilson quoted Sister Elaine Jack, who said: "Her charitable response to this stranger was automatic. She did not stop to think. ... From her we learn that charity ... is actually the state of heart that prompts us to love one another."

6. Do I have to marry?

When the servant approaches Rebekah's family, he wants her to come with him right away. The family said wait first, but Rebekah said, "I will go." Wilson thinks Nephi's famous statement to "go and do" may have had this statement as its precedent. (Genesis 24:58. Compare 1 Neph 3:7)

"Pure and simple: Marriage is the Lord's plan," Wilson said.

7. How long does the Lord expect me to stay single, waiting for the right person?

The servant traveled 850 miles and shows up at the well at the same time as Rebekah appears. Some things, according to Wilson, are according to the Lord's timing.

He quoted Elder Dallin H. Oaks, "The timing of marriage is perhaps the best example of an extremely important event in our lives that is almost impossible to plan."

The servant, as he saw the events unfold, rejoiced in the Lord and how, while the servant was doing what he could, "the Lord led me to the house of my master's brethren" — and to Rebekah. (Genesis 24:27)

"For those of you that are married, for those of you that are single, I think that Genesis 24 is a great reminder that the Lord wants to be involved in our process of making the most important decision," Wilson said.
E-mail: mdegroote@desnews.com