Sunstone Symposium: Why Emma stayed in Nauvoo

"When people ask what caused a change in Emma's behavior, what they really are asking is, 'Why didn't she go west with the Saints?' And when people say she was wrong for remaining in Nauvoo, they are implying they know what she should have done," Richard Delewski said at the Sunstone Symposium on Thursday, Aug. 13.

Delewski is a licensed clinical social worker with 25 years of experience working in mental health. He looked at Emma Smith's decision to remain in Nauvoo through the eyes of a therapist.

"Some people might say that something about her changed and that is why she did not come to Salt Lake Valley," Delewski said. "I will suggest that she DIDN'T change. In order to understand this, we need to look at her personality and what she experienced prior to the death of Joseph."

Emma was the seventh of nine children. Delewski thinks she may have been the most promising of the Hale children because she had a rare additional year of schooling. She taught school before she met Joseph Smith. She also learned how to cook and be a good host when her parents ran a boarding house.

As a youth she learned to canoe on the Susquehanna River and became accomplished with horses. This is why, according to Delewski, the movie "Emma Smith: My Story" shows her outriding Joseph.

While living in Pennsylvania, she rode a horse to warn Joseph of people coming after the gold plates. "There's an image for you: A dark-haired 23-year-old woman racing down a country road, her hair probably flying in the wind, in order to notify her husband of an impending emergency," Delewski said.

Delewski shared many of the words used to describe Emma: "Quick wit and pleasant personality," "intelligence," "fearless integrity," "kindness of heart," "discretion," "benevolent," "hospitable," "motherly in nature to young people," "very high spirited," "dignified," "courage," "zeal," "patience," "no gossiper," "commanding presence" and "innate refinement."

"Joseph did not marry a wilting violet," Delewski said.

He refered to a handmade chart that showed the homes Emma had during her 17-year marriage to Mormon prophet Joseph Smith.

She moved from Pennsylvania to New York to Ohio to Missouri and then Illinois. She move 18 times and lived in 13 houses. "Of these 13 locations, only four of them could be called her own," Delewski said. "On three of these moves she had to leave behind most or all of her furniture. On four she had to move because of disruption caused by neighbors. On two additional occasions she was driven from her home at the threat of her life."

After Joseph died, Emma moved away from Nauvoo for about six months before returning to stay.

"As a therapist, based on these words alone, I would have to say, 'Why would anyone even ask why she remained in Nauvoo?'" Delewski said.

In the middle of the 19th century it was common, according to Delewski, for a mother to lose more than one child in the birthing process or disease. Emma had 11 children (two were the adopted Murdock twins), six children died in infancy. Another died young at age 26.

By age 40, Emma had lost her husband, her mother and father, her father-in-law, three brothers-in-law and five children.

One of her grandchildren, Emma Belle Smith Kennedy, wrote: "Her eyes were brown and sad. She would smile with her lips, but to me, as small as I was, I never saw the brown eyes smile. I asked my mother one day, why don't Grandma laugh with her eyes like you do, and my mother said because she has a deep sorrow in her heart."

"If someone with Emma's experience came to me, I would talk about these deaths and see what effects sorrow had had upon her," Delewski said. "Under these conditions, one could reasonably conclude that she did not travel west in order to avoid losing any more of her children. Given these losses, it appears to me that Emma managed quite well."

Delewski also explored the effect the practice of plural marriage had on Emma and Joseph's relationship. He covered Joseph's reluctance for years to keep this commandment of the Lord and how it was also very difficult for Emma. "Emma seemed to wax and wane in her acceptance of the practice," Delewski said.

Joseph and Emma's sorrow over this matter was, for the most part, very private, according to Delewski. This tendency toward privacy continued even after Joseph's death. "Remember, Emma was a woman of refinement and education. Social conversation and discretion were traits for which she was well-known. Her love for Joseph was still quite deep, as was her love for her children," he said.

Emma's personality and background, her almost nomadic search for a home, the loss of so many she loved and the stresses of plural marriage all played a part in her decision to remain in Nauvoo. How others feel about her decision, according to Delewski, depends upon their own knowledge and understanding.

E-mail: mdegroote@desnews.com